Chapter 22

A new year and a new direction. I've left tafe, failing a couple of subjects and still not completing the diploma. Over it, over it so so much.
After many months of looking for work I've found some. Working at a day centre for people with disability's. Originally i've approached them about doing some art workshops but have ended up with some permanent part time work. I've never worked in this field before so i'm sure it's going to be challenging but quite rewarding, more so then packing shelves at a supermarket. Which could be reawrding, i've never done it...
As well as working they offer a certifcate III in comunity services with a disability elective, also next year i could do a youth work elective. I am a bit apprehensive about starting yet another course that i will again struggle with writing essay's for. I hate essays. It's just not something i am good at. I hate when people say they are easy, or that "all you have to do is...BLAH BLAH BLAH " maybe it's like that for them, but not for me. I may as well be reading chinese books and writing in french. They make me want to vomit.
It's my birthday in a week. I'll be 22 but i still feel little. little in some ways but old in other ways. life's weird like that.
It's going to be a big year.

waiting

so it's been rainy and stormy in newie for the past week or so. so much rain that i'm sure it physically can not rain anymore - although the clouds in the sky tell another story.
last night after having a bunch of friends over we had all settled into bed and were very much asleep when awoken by a noise. Kath got up first, Beck and I laying in our beds thinking- ÿep, we could get up but it's so nice in bed.. - and then i hear a 'holy shit' from down the hall, leap up to find that the tree that had been creaking and stratching at the roof all evening had fallen on the house!!! how dangerously exciting! so i call the SES and tell them that we have a 'situation'. they came and said it should be ok until the morning so they will come back..... so here i am waiting at home for them to come back..... waiting waiting waiting.... i don't really mind that they are not here yet, they are volunteers and the guy last night said they'd had 73 call outs since tuesday - they must be buggered...

nuffin

why are all the good shows on so late? like six feet under for example, possibly my most favourite show but not on until 10:30. and...well i'm sure there are others i can't remember right now. oh, i think will & grace is on pretty late on thursday nights. i'd much rather watch those shows instead of stupid prime time shows like big brother and home & away.
first class back at tafe tomorrow arvo. yuck. i am starting to wonder if i really want to be there. it's my fifth year....it's getting dull. but what else would i do?

i am going to a meeting today to discuss the queer peer project in the hunter region, to update the sydney coordinater on our 'progress'.
well, i think i will tell her the truth. we have made about three little steps of progress since training as most people don't seem to actually want to be involved in the project. i don't really understand why you would bother going to a weekend worth of training, that leads up to a project, and then just ditch it. some people have had good excuses, but i think a lot are just slack.
...

bad blogger

i haven't posted for a week, i used to be so good
i'd post sometimes three times a day, just the way you should

but i got lazy, something changed, my blogging skills just seem to drain
where did the modivation go? my blog is looking pretty lame

with ads for events, the zero coke movement
i need some better posts, for your enjoyment

i want to spruce up this little old blog
so from now on i'll post like an attack dog....

i hope you've been entertained by my little rhyme
i plan to have blogged more next time.

We can be Heroes - well Chris can...

blogging, cheaper then phone calls

i've decided that i should blog more bcause then i don't have to ring kaia in melbourne to chat. i don't mind calling, but then the bills come...
it just started pissing down with rain. i hoped it would hold off until the hay got delivered but not hay yet, just rain. the electrician came earlier to look at our stove whivch only has one working element. he said it would be a waste of money to fix it so he's going to tell our landlord to buy us a new one :) that will be fun.
i was taking the bins out this morning and stepped on something hurty. i can't tell whether there is something stuck in my foot or not. it's still hurty.
i have an interview soon. i'm not sure, but maybe if i can get a full time position i might take next semester off.
sunny again.
if the hay comes soon i might go get some interview clothes. i'm not sure what to get though.

all i want for christmas is....

....well i already have my two front teeth, eventhough they aren't straight, but hey some people have no teeth at all. i wonder if anyone has ever been born without a mouth? or at least without an opening for their mouth. could they drink soup through a straw up their nose?
i told my sister that if mum hadn't already got something for me i'd like a mp3 player, a good set of knives, or money. Maybe i don't want an mp3 player, perhaps all the advertising is just making me think i want one. that's the thing, i 'want' one, i don't really need one. so let's scrap the mp3 player - mum wouldn't get me one anyway. a good set of knives on the other hand is something i've wanted for a long time and it's something i would use nearly everyday. so that would be a top gift for me. Money is also something i need. being a poor art student is annoying, most of the time it can be ok, but it's nice to have a bit of spare cash - for emergencies, like when Bonds underwear is on sale.
holidays are weird things. i like having time of but there's not always stuff to do. I am going to paint some of Lisa's house and do some other house orientated jobs. I have paint-stripped half of the stair rails but am running very low on stripper and can't get more until i get the good old youth allowance on friday.

hmmmm......

Welcome to wedding hell. Not one, but TWO being planned.
I don't think i'll be visiting sydney much over the next few months...it's just too much.
Don't get me started on how much money this is all costing....it's just so stupid. Over $10,000 on one day....why not just put a deposit on a house?

Hulibr - 02

Lisa, Ami and i went walking this morning at about 6:30am. It was nice, ocean views, warm sun and a slight breeze. Now it's just f-ing hot. Luckily i was able to escape to the air-conditioned library. I am meant to be in Life Drawing at the moment but i've decided to withdraw. I've also decided to withdraw from my theory and general drawing classes. If i don't withdraw i will fail. Have a withdraw on your record is much better then a fail.

V8

I've been drinking a lot of V8 juice lately. it's great. i've just discovered V8 hot & spicy juice which is also very good.
Holiday time once again and i don't really have any plans. Thinking of treking to sydney for a couple of days.... need to use mum's sewing machine and overlocker, visit nana and possibly pick up some cyanotype. oh, and spend time with the family i guess.
Everything is very wedding focused at the moment. kaia get's married in february and adam in september. i've been thinking about getting engaged just so i can get some cool presents, it's amazing how much stuff they've got. it doesn't end with the engagedment either...there's wedding presents to come and for kaia, kitchen tea presents - if she has one that is... and then housewarming presents.. plus a honeymoon. it makes me feel a bit sick really. sick or sad....can't really decide. i mean, there's so much celebration over adam and kaia finding people they want to spend the rest of their lives with. susan and mark being accepted into the family, included in family events, our parents talking about adam and susan or mark and kaia to their friends and being all proud. and then there's me. 'erin and her friend' I don't think that shows any pride or acceptance. if there was at least one bit of acceptance they would say 'erin and her girlfriend' and so far the only person that uses my girlfriend's name - from my family - is nana. when i said i might be coming to sydney nana asked 'is lisa coming with you?' . well i'd just like to say thanks nana. you're the best.
i wonder if i ever had a child would my parents use it's name or say 'erin and her child'

i wish jara was here. i miss that boy.

the last burger ring

tomorrow is the beginning of a healthy stage in my life. lisa and i have decided that from the 1st sept 2004 we are going to start walking for an hour each day and stop eating junky foods....like burger rings, chocolate, icecream and and the other yummy foods.
it's going to be really tough, but mostly the getting up early to walk for an hour. we may as well just stay up all night.
i am pretty sure we'll still be going strong on the coffee, i don't believe lisa could ever give up coffee.
this weekend is adam and susan's engagement party. wow. i'm am the only one that's not engaged. damn hey - i don't really mind except that they get cool presents. i wish i got cool presents but i guess i'd have to get engaged soon and that won't be happening anytime soon.

paranoid

par·a·noid
adj.

1. Relating to, characteristic of, or affected with paranoia.
2. Exhibiting or characterized by extreme and irrational fear or distrust of others: a paranoid suspicion that the phone might be bugged.

n.

One affected with paranoia.

at home

nobody else is here. seems funny that when i'm not here, which is alot, everyone else is here, but when i actually come home the house is empty.
i was going to watch a video so i pressed 'eject' on the video player. somebody had been watching porn and had left the video in there. it sort of put me off so i came online instead. it's not really not my place to say, although it is my video player, but i think if someboday uses it to watch porn they should at least take out the tape when they are finished.
i put some washing on. i don't know how long it takes so i'll have to go out and keep checking. i don't the thought of it finishing and then sitting all damp in the machine for a long time.
is that a ringing in my ear or an annoying computer noise?
lisa and i watched Roman Holiday last night. it's a great film, except Audrey's character sort of annoys me a bit. she's a bit spoilt and poncy. cute though, audrey always looks stunning.

hmm

it's always a sign that one should blog when you get pushed off the blogfeed.
i'm in sydney until tomorrow. adam's birthday was yesterday and kaia's is today. oh, and the new howlfest website was born today. thanks ryan, you're spiffy.
i'm still fluey. yuck.
back to newcastle tomorrow. yay!!

over

so that's it. i went....it happened.....it's over. we met at 5:30pm at a little cafe on beaumont st, made scattered polite conversation for about 40mins until she said 'i have about one cup of tea left in this pot, that gives you about 20mins to start talking, after that, i'm going'.

the meeting...

this afternoon i am meeting up with someone i have been 'seeing' in a 'semi relationship but not' sort of way. it's been going on for just over two months.

warm

My bed was so nice and cosy this morning i didn't make it out in time to get to tafe. My alarm went off at 7:50am but i kept pressing the snooze button and then eventually just turned it off completely. Between that time and when i woke up an hour later i had a strange dream where i had to go to central train station - which looked more like the airport then the station. I had to go because dad was getting a train to somewhere and well...i don't know exactly why i had to meet him there but i did. It was early too, around 8am. So i get there and meet him and then Nana is there too. We wander around for a while and then i ask dad what time his train is and he says '2pm'. Now i'm thinking to myself, why the hell did we have to be there at 8am if the train is at 2pm? Then suddenly i'vegone from being with my dad and nana to being in a shoe store with a version of a girl from tafe, tania, who is looking for shoes in a large size but is having trouble finding them. At this stage i hear cuz's voice and i open my eyes and he is standing at the door. he said 'are you going to tafe? it's 9am' and i said '...umm...i don't know if i have class or not' so he left and i snuggled back into bed for a while. I was worred for a while that i might have had an assessment at 9am but i smsed someone from class and she said it wasn't on the assessment calendar and she wasn't going, so i have decided not to go. Even if i left now i'd be an hour late....
On a completely different topic...I've been spending a far amont of time with a girl during the last few months. It's been nice most of the time but sometimes we both need space and then it's kind of shit for a few days. In the begining the days when we had space weren't as bad, but they have progressively gotten worse. There seems to be certain rules in the relationship (not that we are calling it one) that apply to me and not her, and she says she feels one way about something but acts on it differently. The last couple of days have been 'space' days, and i have enforced these days, two weeks ago i had a 'space' week which was the longest 'space' we'd had. I guess I've been starting to wonder whether it would be better just to be friends with her and not have to worry about rules, moods, and 'space'. I was going to talk to her about it last night. She had come to pick up some of her cds and to use my computer. That was all fine. She came in here and went online and i feel asleep in the loungeroom. about one or two hours later she came into the loungeroom and there was general chitter chatter between her, myself and one of my housemates. Then, all of a sudden, she gets up, puts her shoes on, grabs her stuff and leaves........ without saying anything. Usually if she was annoyed with me she would at least say goodbye to my housemates.....but nothing..... I don't understand women. Sometimes they are great but most of time they hurt my head.

well hello

Today I found out that I have been going to lots of classes that I already passed and have recognition for. For a whole term and a bit i've slugged along to painting, photography, printmaking and two general drawing classes when i didn't actually need to.
So I've decided to drop painting as it's expensive to buy paint and it really doesn't interest me. I won't go to general drawing until next semester when it turns into a new module, although i might occassionally go to Jill's class cos she's a champ. I am going to keep going to printmaking and photography because i like them lots. To do this, the head teacher has to ring the recognition people and get them to undo the recognitiong for those two subjects because at the moment i don't exsist in the class.
So, now, instead of having four days of 9 till 4, i have one day of 9 till 4 and three of 9 till 12. Now why didn't they tell me this at the beginning of the year??
I am at my parents house in Hornsby at the moment, I came down because i'm working in Redfern tomorrow. When you're living in a place like Newcastle you take any sort of job you can get, even if it means 2hrs each way.
i have a rather funny story to tell about the weekend but it's too much to type right now.

lotsa people

it's been a long week in sydney, i came about three days early and wish i hadn't, but i think i've already covered those thoughts. ended up in canberra which was sort of unexpected. nice time though.got to meet kaia's new inlaws before the parentals did so that was nice. we went to a park and had some food and played frisbee and kicked around a ball - i would never ever see my family doing that so it's nice to see some families are active.
while in canberra last night i went to see Strange Bedfellows which was really quite good - nearly didn't go but i'm glad i did. i went by myself as ki and mark were at mark's brothers' engagement party. i think it's possibly the first movie i've seen alone and i found it to be a rather good thing....you don't have to worry about anything, just about the movie. good stuff. i think everyone should go see it.
we left canberra at around 7:20am this morning. ki said we were getting up at 6:30 and leaving by 7am. my body clock woke me at 6:29 - champion, but mark and ki did not emerge until 6:55am, pretty slack hey.
felt really sick on the way home but a bit better when we had got back to hornsby. i went and had lunch with my friend chris and then came back home to find a good number of people in the house, then about an hour or so later mark's parents and two of his brothers arrived, so there's been people all over the place. tonight they all had spaghetti and lasagna..(sp?) ....i made soup for myself, not the best soup i've made, not thick enough and there weren't as many spices availabe here as i'd usually use - maybe cos i took them all with me to newie.
played a bit of pool and chatted with people. a good night in the end.
ki and mark's engagement party is tomorrow at 12 till 4 so i am palnning to get a 4:51 train back to newcastle.....wish i could go now but that probably wouldn't be received very well, esp since adam isn't going to be there so me not being there would look a bit slack.
tired now.
sleep now.

blah

**decided to delete the first part...hmm....**
anyway....
i came down to sydney early, i was planning to come on wednesday but woke up this morning and had a sudden urge to leave newcastle... i miss it already and want to go back.....but it i go back i probably wouldn't get my assignment done and it's due next week and i haven't started it yet. i'm afraid of procrastinating forever and not getting it done.... little help? is anyone actually good at research type things and wants to help me? *looks around at blank faces* ...thought so. *sigh*......ok, well now that i'm talking to no one i might go to bed. my fingers are getting cold.

actual post

i decided while i'm up i'd jot some things down. it sort of hurts to type after a game of knuckles with howie...well not a game, i said 'let's play knuckles' he said 'how do you play?' i took a shot at him, he took one back, then said 'ouch, that hurts' and backed off. HA. so yeah, now my right hand it starting to swell around my knuckles.
I went into westfield today and didn't see a single person a knew. it was great. usually i see lots and have sort of half assed trivial conversations and then end by saying we should catch up sometime and then never do.
the flurescent light is making me sleepy.
it was good seeing ryan tonight. i miss eating bread with him. ....tomato and avocado on cobb.........mmmmmn yum. i remember once when i was sick last year and had lost my voice but forgotten and tried to ask the french hot bread lady for a cobb but nothing came out when i tried to speak. oh, when i say 'french hot bread lady' i mean the lady from French Hot Bread not a french lady who is hot and sells bread....... that would be wrong in many ways...one being that she's phillipino, not french.
i think bed is in order. night.

sneeze

i live so close to the beach but don't really go very much. i guess the beach is somewhere you go with people, friends, partner etc.. most of my friends in newcastle seem to be pretty busy people or they go out at night and sleep most of the day when it would be a nice time to go to the beach.
sometimes i miss sydney, but then when i am there ll i want to do is jump straight on the next train home to newcastle, and sometimes i have done this, even if it means arriving back and midnight.
the things i miss about sydney probably just seem silly to other people... like, i miss catching a train from hornsby to the city, eventhough its a tedious task i still miss it. i also miss the pumpkin curry you can get from the food court underneath grace bros in pitt st mall. i miss the scarey ibis' in hyde park. i miss oxford art supplies. i miss talking forever to get anything down in hornsby westfield because or running into so many people i know.
i miss friends that will drop what they are doing to go grab a coffee, or even just plan a few days a head to catch up.
i sometimes feel alone in newcastle. but i sometimes feel alone in sydney as well. i think it's an odd concept, feeling alone, when there are so many people around.

at ryan's house

so... rachael, saif, cuz and i have just driven from newcastle to pick up rachael's computer from ryan. ryan isn't home. no one is home.... so we've broken into the house so we could use the bathroom....well actually janet said we could break in...
hmmm.... saif is looking at a book, cuz is wandering around and rachael has been howling with raj.
i wonder when ryan and janet will get here.

new years

i've never made any new years resolutions but i think this year i might.. not like a real resolution...more like a general thought about the coming year. having said that i don't know if i can think of one. a general one i mean. i have a few thoughts but they are pretty trivial. one's like how i'd like to start doing my weights again (don't laugh ryan, i am semi serious) and i'd like to go to the beach more.... hmmn.

rockmelon

one of the house christmas smells is always rockmelon in the fridge. also, the fridge is usually packed with food.
hmmn...so i got to hornsby on monday afternoon. Nissa has been visiting her dad in Newcastle so i managed to grab a lift home. she picked me up at 10am and we didn't leave until 2:30pm. we had a few missions to do.
mission 1 was to get me a Falls Festival ticket. we spent a while trying to find a park near tickatek and when we finally did get a really good park outside tikatek we went in and were told that they were being sold through ticketmaster7. *sigh* so we had to drive over to the mall and find another park. got to ticketmaster and they didn't take eftpos so had to find an atm. bah... so anyway that was done so yay. next mission was to book a flight to melbourne. we drove to the junction so i could get my ticket organised by anita who works at flightcentre. she was very professional and it was a bit amusing. ithink the next mission was to go for a swim. it's was lovely. went to bar beach. nice.
after that we went to hamilton to drop in a singlet of fiona's and ended up having lunch with her at Raj's corner. indian. also nice.
hmmn...what else have i done.... i went to visit claire yesterday in clovelly. i had never been to clovelly and was a bit paranoid that i would miss the bus stop. we were going to go to the beach but it was a bit yucky weather wise and claire was a bit sick, so we just chatted and watched St Elmo's Fire. *cough*

waking up on keys is painful

funny thing happened.....
i woke up at 5am with my wallet, keys and phone still in my pockets....at this time i didn't know it was 5am but it still confused me. then i remembered i had had a bit to drink last night. in Amanda's words i was 'exceptional'. Exceptionally intoxicated enough to fall asleep with everything still in my pockets. i seem to had managed to get off my belt though, which you would think would be harder then taking things out of your pockets.
I don't know exactly why i actually got out of bed at 5am, but perhaps it was because i strangely remembered the washing load i had put on yesterday at about 4:30 and decided i should probably hang it up to dry.
so i've been hanging washing, drinking lots of water, and listening to my Bluehouse cd.
i had signed into msn but no one was online - why not hey?
just earlier i noticed a friend in the uk was online so i started chatting to him. about 5mins in i noticed that instead of my username saying 'erin' it said 'i fucking had everyone go fuck yourselves you shit eaters!!!!'
now, i don't remember writing this but i must of because ryan's moved out and natalie's in sydney. when and why i wrote this is a complete mystery, well not complete, i'm guessing i did it last night.
If ryan was still here he'd be able to explain everything and he would have been able to stop me from doing these crazy things.

blank

i so had something to blog about and it's just left me.....
damn hey. i have been remembering how good the vegan chocolate cake at vegebar on brunswick st in melbourne is. maybe i can get mark to wack some in some tupperware for me and send it up.
oh i just remembered the purpose of this post. i was just in the kitchen getting some water out of the fridge and noticed how bare the fridge looks - it finally looks properly 'student' with it's lack of food. although there are lots of condiments. reminds me of fight club. "How embarrassing. A house full of condiments and no food." actually there is more then condiments, there's my collection of water bottles full of water on the top shelf and some kahluha. maybe even some soy milk. and there's a small collection of fruit and vegetables but they're natalie's.
Is anyone else getting sick of the smiley face pop up ads? they seem to be everywhere.
maybe i'll watch fight club tonight. although i have to be up at 7:30 for tafe at 9. hmmn. i watched a great old movie before called "what's up doc". brilliant.
it's getting a little chilly.
howie just said that maybe we spend too much time online..... i don't think so. and anyway, the internet brings people together. :grin:
i'm still pretty hyped about the rugby last night.....such a great game.... been listening to UK compilations all night.
OH hitler is online...

bah

it's annoying liking someone's music but finding that person a bit weird. it ruins the whole listening experience.

nice water

If i left now i could get to sydney by about 11pm.

uni

i'm at newcastle uni at the moment helping Lucinda put together the zine for SEAN (student environment activist network). it's looking pretty spiff but we've had a lot of hassles with computers. Lucinda doesn't like them very much. so far i've done the cover, and formatted a few articles.
we're working from the student association buidling. they have quite a few computers set up and comfy seats - not wheelies - but probably nicer to sit on.
when i was waiting to get picked up this morning i saw amy looking at plants across the road outside home hardware. i don't think she bought anything.
peta's birthday thingy is tonight so cuz is coming over later and we'll head to that. i think i'll take some stuff to whip up a stirfry or something as it's a byo bbq. i could take vege sausages maybe but peta mentioned she had a wok so i might give that a whirl.
after peta's i might go to the g to hang out with a few mates. cuz might be going to the Lucky so i might end up there as well at some stage.

crazy

I had a pretty up and down day today. Sort of like a rollercoaster but without the safety bars. Feeling a bit overwhelmed by assessment week coming up, not really that worried about how i'll go but the atmosphere at tafe has been a bit crazy. I've had trouble processing things lately and feel as if i'm going to completely forget to turn up with my work next week. Or perhaps that i just want to escape to sydney and hide. Not that sydney would be terribly comforting but in theory it's a nice idea. Even though my life is pretty much up here now i still feel a bit bound to sydney. I still feel like there is more security there. I'm not too confident with people up here yet. Well, some, but not all.
I am waiting for ryan to finish making and eating his pasta salad so we can go play frisbee.

social situations and the like

I was having a really nice day until ten minutes ago. Now i've gone all angsty. It's bad. I feel uneasy and sick.
i don't understand how people can be completely fine one day and then really detatched the next. Actually i can, but it's still strange and still annoys me. Why bother making any effort with anyone if you're going to be treated like an odd sock. I don't think it's intentional but that doesn't mean that we all shouldn't attempt to be nice. I respect my friends, and their feelings, so if they are having a shitty day i'd rather they say 'i'm having a shitty day' then just act cold. At least then i'd know it wasn't something i'd done that has made them feel bad. That's the last thing i'd ever want to do to anyone.
I'm ranting. That's how much i'm annoyed.
I need to go lay down and nap. i shouldn't really because i have tafe work to do.
people. blah.
if people weren't mostly nice then i'd become a hermit.

heat

I don't exactly remember what all my categories mean. oh well. blah will have to do for this one. It took me four hours to get to sydney on friday because of track work. i met a nice girl, max, on the bus. she is in third year uni at newcastle studying arts. she was going to stay with her parents in gosford.
I had a pretty big night on friday so i decided to come home sat arvo instead of staying until today. i have some tafe things to do anyway, like finishing making my folder. I've already bought the tape so i'm pretty on track with that one.
Last night i got back into newie at 8pm. Met cuz on the train and we came back to my place so i could dump some stuff. we went to see Bitchcraft play a gig at the Lass and afterwards there was a Ramones cover band playing. i managed to drink half a beer but was feeling too seedy to finish it. I stayed until 11pm and then decided i was too tired to keep on. I started walking home and remembered that there was a drag king show on at the G so i gave kristal a call and met up with her and her friend adam and we headed over. somehow my exhaustion had escaped me. The show was only $5 and since i was only drinking water from then on it was a fairly cheap night. The show was pretty good, the girls were up from Sydney and do the wed night show at Slyfox. I hung out with Lucinda a bit and chatted to another mate, lisa. All in all a pretty fun night. I got home at 2:30am and had some tomato soup and then crashed out in bed. This morning i woke up and saw ryan studying at the table, i kept falling back to sleep and then i'd wake up and see him napping while sitting up straight in his chair - quite a skill. at one stage he was actually head down on the desk. when i finally got up ryan said he was walking to aldi so i went with him. i wasn't wearing shoes and the cement was crazy go nuts hot.

ryan's drunk...ok maybe me too

ryan: erin, you fed me beer and now i'm sleepy.
me : yeah fed you.
ryan: yeah, with a spoon

ryan: erin, maybe you should beocme a nun and then you wouldn't have to worry about girls.
me : yeah, living in a convent, with all those girls.....

ryan : you need to get married.
me: me?
ryan : yeah, become a nun or get married..

ryan: you want me to join a nunnery, a nunnery... i'd be wasted in a nunnery, all that sex appeal.

ryan : aaaaarhrrhhhha give me your bottom..... i haven't heard that noise before, it's a new one. *in response to the toilet making a funny noise*

me: not worth my 20c...

ryan: you're lucky there are no girls i'm trying to impress that read your blog, erin.

ryan: i don't think girls suck, i think they're the best
me: why?
ryan: because they're pretty.....and they're kind.......and they're friendly...............that's all.

Hornsby

I have been in Hornsby for not even 24hrs and already i have seen Dana, Condy, Vic, Richard, Pheobe, Erin, Melissa, Kate, Tamara, Felicity, Bec, Bec, one of my twin cousins..., an old primary school teacher, an old high school teacher, and i think a few other random people too.... I'm not really that suprised, i lived here for 18 years, but i'm a bit sad that all these people are still here. Not saying it's a bad place but i've had such a great time living in a different town. I think everyone should do it.
Even though i've already seen all these people, Hornsby doesn't seem as friendly anymore. There's people here that i've known for more then 5 years but they don't feel as close as my friends in Newcastle. I really like Newcastle. I think i want to live there for a long time.
I'm about to go to the airport to farewell a friend, Fiona, who is going to america for 6 weeks. I only met her last friday but she's a pretty cool chicken. Her friend Errin (yes two r's, i know it's a little hard to get used to) is driving her from Newcastle which is very lovely of her. I'm a bit excited about going to the airport. i even have my special plane t-shirt on.
I had a bath this morning, first one in about three months. HA no i'm not turning into a hippy.... In Newcastle i can only have showers as we don't have a bath. I had forgotten how much time i used to spend thinking in the bath. Maybe lack of bath thinking time is why i've felt so scattered lately.
I was going to have some vegemite toast but there isn't any Nuttelex here. Kaia usually has it so i don't know whats going on. i think i might make Fiona a goodbye card.

apricots

i managed to do the shopping and catch two buses without saying a word.
i bought some dried apricots, i used to love them when i was little and it seems they taste just as good now.
i've been thinking a lot about how much i care about my friends. maybe too much. caring for people puts you in a very vulnerable position. it would be easier if i didn't care so much about their thoughts and feelings. i wouldn't feel guilty for taking up their time or telling them about a bad day. I think i've only known two or three people that i can truly just feel comfortable with and not feel like a burden. it probably comes down to how i feel about myself personally more then anything else. the caring for people issue is just a creation to help my see my own faults.
if my tv wasn't broken i could watch an Audrey Hepburn movie and cheer myself up. i'll just have to settle for dried apricots and the gentle hum of the computer.

yeah....right

today i have eaten a whole lot of bread/toast with tomato and avocado on it. right now i am doing a slightly different variation with pesto on it too.
i'm really getting into avocado's, i think it's good that i haven't eaten them all my life.....it's good to try things late, keep a little excitement in life.

sleepy

last nigth i went to bed at 10:30pm. i tossed and turned for what i thoguth was all night. i woke up....it looked and sounded like it could be 6am, but when i looked at my phone i found that it was 2am. I lay back down for a little while but can't get back to sleep... i decided to write a letter to a friend to try and make myself sleepy. an hour passes, four pages (small) later i am still wide awake. i lay for a little while longer. I thought maybe i couldn't sleep because i had something to discuss with Natalie....so i wrote her a letter too... that didn't take long... i looked around at the loungeroom, very messy, i decided to tidy... i cleaned up for an hour or so.... or mayeb two hours... i was going pretty slowly... i went to the kitchen, it was suddenly 5am, as i was walking back to the loungeroom i saw that natalie had woken up and come out to see where i was. i asked her if she'd read the letter (i'd slid it under her door) she said yes and said that she'd talk to me about it. we talked about it, calmly. first calm discussion in weeks. it was nice. we talked for about an hour and then she went and had a shower and i went to have some breakfast. vegemite toast. yum. after my toast i had a shower when natalie was finished. after my shower i started reading a trashy magazine....i read it until about 7:30 and then walked passed ryan, he was awake so i chatted to him for a bit and then checked my email. not a lot of emails, oh well. i decided to go to tafe. i walked outside and decided i'd ask amy and coral for a lift. on my way to their house i rang coral, i woke her up, but it was 8:20am and tafe starts at 9am, so it was a good thing i had woken her. i had an earl grey (from my secret stash at their house) and we went to tafe. i had photography and wasn't really in the mood. i tried printing some b&w pitures from colour negs. took a while to get the time right. break time came slowly. mmm.. coffee. more photography and then josh and i left early to play some frisbee. the frisbee had a few injuries so we went down to sculpture to get some pva. pva can fix almost anything....great stuff. cuz say's it's good for spiking hair too. i think i'll leave that one to him. at lunch i lay on my beach towel for a while, my back was pretty sore and i was starting to get tired. soon amy, coral and cuz came to join me and cuz showed us his bronze trophy for painting little warhammer type things. top stuff, cuz. after lunch josh and i got a lift with Peta to merewhether beach where our class was doing some crazy stuff with food dye in the rock pools. it looked pretty awesome but now my feet look as if i've been walking on fairy bread. the sun made me get a headache so i sat on a rock for a while. Peta gave me a lift home and i had some avocado and tomato on toast for lunch.
i am listening to belle and sebastian.
i might go have a nap. it's been a long day.

just wrong, ryan

ryan just made himself a peanut butter sandwich, whish is fine, BUT he put both peanut butter AND nuttelex (margarine) on the bread.....

it's just plain wrong.

peanut butter doesn't need anything but itself....

meat

I was just getting a breath of fresh air on the balcony when i saw a man walk out of the back of a truck carrying half a cow.......then he went back, another half a cow.....again and again.....
if i wasn't already vegan this would probably make me vegan, or at least vegetarian. i feel sorry for the people in the cars backed up behind the truck, they would have had to see all the hanging bits of flesh as well as the ones being carried.
the guy wasn't even wearing gloves, i know he probably doesn't mind but i'm concerned about the health risks here too.... and that the back of the van was left open for a long amount of time....anything could get in there...

today

i got up just after ryan left for sydney. he messaged me on his way to the station asking me to give the rose he's bought last nigth to someone. i haven't seen anyone yet but whoever i see first wins the rose. it's yellow and smells nice.
i have been listening to ben folds five all day. i had a shower, put on some washing, played a bit of age of empires and ate a bit of leftover soup. by this time it was about 12. i had a two hour nap and then checked my email - one from cuz saying he wouldn't be over as he's feeling too sick. poor boy.
i sat on the balcony for a while. decided the sun was nice so got some cushions from inside and lay down in the sun for a while. probably about an hour. my face was getting hot, i was afraid of getting sunburnt on just one side of my face. then i remembered i hadn't hung up my washing from this morning.
i came back on the computer and looked at the blogfeed - everyone's posts had been really short so i decided to write a long one.
so here we are. i ate a bit more soup. it was yummy. i should probably go for a walk to get my blood pumping.

huh

it's a ben folds five kind of day.

damn

i missed both Enterprise and DS9 this week.

have had other things on my mind.

i have an assignment to do that isn't being done.

tired

feeling kinda tired and seedy today. the last week is catching up with me. listening to Speaking of Sarah - haven't done that in years. it's quiet peaceful - well the female voice is peaceful. the drums and guitars are sort of noisey.
It's cold inside the house today but it looks sunny outside. i hope it really is and it's not just pretending to be sunny. that would probably put the cherry on this day. actually, we would probably be up to the waffers and nuts - today will be the works. the absolute works. and the sundae will probably end up on my head....with ice-cream (vegan of course) dripping down into my eye's. then i'll be running around screaming because it stings so much and i'll bump into walls because of loss of vision.

amy

we just came over to amy's house to fix the internet. we tried and tried and then amy realised she had the number wrong.

coffee time now.

audrey

i've been looking through the audrey hepburn website. she's was such a beautiful woman.

tired

had a big night last night but fun all the same. met some fun people at the ducks nuts, and got a massage from some weird sporting guy. hmm. he was wearing a marge simpson dress, very classy indeed. got a free cd from a guy called bob who was playing some good tunes.
another day of icey workshops ahead and then i'm going to see the waifs tonight :) shall be good.

good quote

'there is a fine line between insanity and genius, i have erased that line'

meh

last nigth was a bit alright. met up with the sydney icey's and roamed around town a bit. we left the pub at 12 but walked back to hamilton from cooks hill so it took a while as nat, kelly, cuz and i were pretty tired.
i woke up at 6:30am - some cruel joke no doubt set apon me by the higher powers. i had a shower, it was good, as showers usually are. actually i've had bad showers, that's in winter though when my body can't seem to get warm. .. anyway... i had a coffee which woke me up even more after my shower and then some water and i drew a picture. i skim read a bit of art history text for my assignment but the words weren't porcessing properly so i gave up on that one.

yawn

i woke up early this morning. i'm not sure why. i finished adding icey pictures to my pictures page - which i've also neatened up a bit. today i think i'll just be doing a last minute tidy up before my billets arrive this afternoon. They're getting in at about 3pm, i only know this because Andi told me what time train the were getting, i haven't actually heard anything from Barney yet but i'm expecting a phone call or email.
That just reminded me to call about cancelling the emg scan on my wrists. I was going to have to miss some of the icey workshops on wednesday and since my wrists have been pretty good lately i decided just not to go. I possibly have to leave early on wednesday night to go see the waifs so it would have been annoying to have to leave twise in one day.

riddles

we have a Star Trek desk calendar next to the computer, today the pictures is of Seven of Nine in the captain's briefing room.
This week i'll be doing more workshops for Icey. The sydney people are coming up tomorrow afternoon - should be lots of fun.
here's a little pic for Cuz.

speaking of...

i went to Coral's last night to pick up Cuz's sleeping bag. we talked for ages and she sung a few tunes for me, she has a really amazing voice. she wants to get a cd out and play more.. i think that would be good. people need to hear her.

jara is such a rockstar

back

well, it's been a long long time since my last post..
reason's for this:
1) footboot was broken
and 2) i was at icey.
what's icey? go check it out at www.icey.org.au
Bascially it was four days in sydney at Pine St Creative arts centre hanging out and making artworks with a bunch of people 18-25 from sydney and newcastle.
We were in two groups and each group attended a workshop each day. The workshops were Photography, Audio, Sculpture and Printmaking. We kept each added to a journal each night which you can go check out if you have a yahoo id - these are very easy to get if you don't have one. You can also check out a heap of photo's from the week as well.
The tutors running the workshops were great and they also turned out to be good cooks too.
I am pretty exhausted from the whole thing but am looking forward to the next stage of icey in a week when the sydney people will come up here for some workshops.

via good old Word

Abitofanish has been offline for about a week now due to a problem with footboot host, a problem which Ryan is trying to fix and hopefully will be soon.
I though I might just write a few things down before I forget.
Last week I took Cuz to sydney as he wanted to purchase some new boots. We went down on the train on Friday afternoon and then spent some time with Kaia who was meeting some friends that night, so we went with her. We ended up at the local RSL club where we were confronted at the side door. The security man told me I wasn’t allowed inside because my jeans had paint on them – of course my jeans had pant on them, they’re my tafe painting jeans – so anyway we walked away and decided to try the front entrance. We walked in and were asked for ID – something that we all had so it wasn’t too hard to get passed that part, but then a man walked over and told us that I wasn’t allowed in because my jeans were ripped – right at the bottom mind you, not a huge hole or anything exposing my knee. By this stag ewe were finding the whole situation rather amusing so we laughed our way back to the car park where we talked to our friends who had come out to organise somewhere else to go. That didn’t get far so we just told them we’d go to our car and they could ring us when they had a plan. We headed back up to the car and drove off. Our friend later told us that two beefy security guards had walked down to the car park and then followed us in. We’re not sure of their motives, we weren’t a threat or anything. We do although have a theory that they were just picking on my jeans because they didn’t want to confront Cuz about his big black boots, cut off black jeans, old t-shirt, big army jacket with various mildly offensive badges, his mohawk and the huge spike in his labret. …..Security guards think their tough but really they’re just scared and hide in their big black jackets….

Today mum, auntie sandie and mel came up. They went to an educational book sale this morning in Thornton and came over here for lunch. Mum brought us a second dinner set to go with the one we have and also a tool box for me. Mmmm new tools. There was screwdrivers, a hammer, wrench, plyers, a tape measure and a few other things which technical names that I can’t think of right now. We had lunch at Georges. I had a really nice pumpkin and ginger soup.

trip

cuz and i are going to sydney this afternoon. I'm taking him into the city tomorrow to get some boots.
I haven't just walked around the city for a long time so it should be a nice day. i hope it doesn't rain - the city in the rain is beautiful but not when you're soaked through and have to walk around with wet socks.

interesting..

the vulcan ear project

I'm getting closer... I just need to buy some liquid latex.....then the fun begins.

so cute

Kibby has a gerbil called Pig. It's very cute, possibly cuter then the baby i saw on the bus the other day. go see it, you'll love it and hope they had gerbils in australia.

Maybe i can get one on Ebay.

youth groups

i was going to post this as a comment in response to a post david blogged but it got too long, so here it is....

i think the 'idea' of a youth group is great but i think in practise it takes a lot to get right. like, you want one to be fun which means for kids that aren't already christian you need an easy intro into the bible but you don't want to be preachy, and for the kids that are into god you don't want to be just 'preparing' them for when you get too old to lead and they are the right age for it. tricky business. also, most of the experiencs i've had with youth groups were bad - and no, that's not because i'm gay, this happened before i came out - the leaders were absolutey horrible to eachother if they didn't all agree on minor things in the bible - much like todays church groups - youth group was also the most gossipy and slutty place too - no one dared go out with anyone from outside the church/youth group which meant everyone had gone out with everyone and it was just so icky. also, leaders sometimes take advantage of their positions in the group, in ways that can't possibly be classified as Godly.
anyway, thats my little rant.

slack

you're probably noticed my poor attempts at posting lately - a bit of copy and paste here, a little link or picture there....

well, i don't know when this will change but in there mean time you can play here

email

i received this email today, i found it quite amusing:

Subject: Laundry Money Solutions

Also we can offer much more services you may be interested in.

good blog

my friend kris had a blog, well actually it's a livejournal but i think blog sounds better. he has really good posts and most of them are funny. i'd link him but he doesn't want to go public with his blog, like kaia.

weird

mt is being a bit quirky tonight.

streaking my hair. ooh. got to love that bleach smell.

going out to anousha's ep launch tonight at the salarium.

tafe

so i'm at tafe now excercising my rights as a fee paying student. using the computer....
the screen is rather large and overwhelming, not like the humble screens at home.
We're in visual arts, crafts, and design in context with our teacher, commonly known as 'that paul guy'.
most unenjoyable.

woah

ok, so ryan went to a party last night for his boss' girlfriend.
His boss being Andy and the girlfriend being bob (robin).
ok so i know Bob and Andy but didn't know that the Andy ryan worked with was the same Andy.....freaky.
so anyway ryan talked to all these other people last night that also knew me, one being alison who turned out to be friend's with Jo french's cousin.
AND they worked out that Jo and bob used to play soccer together.

dinner

ryan is in sydney for the weekend so our cooking enthusiasm has also gone. tonigth we're decided on cup-a-soup and toast.

duck's nuts

we went to centrelink this afternoon. Natalie had to renew her health care card and i... well i just went because i love centrelink so much. it was pretty quick, there was a suprisingly short line for 4:15pm on a friday afternoon - it is friend isn't it? anyway afternoon centrelink i took natalie to the newcastle regional art gallery, you can do that sort of thing up here because everything is so close together, we could have gone to the beach if we walked 15mins further. so anyway we went to the gallery, i wanted to show natalie the Hung & Strung exhibtion of marionette puppets made by the head teacher at my tafe. she liked them and i was happy that we had spent some time together other then watching star trek and cooking dinner. after the gallery we walked next door to the newcastle library - i told you everything is close - and we decided to join. the library staff were very helpful and i got the feeling that we were the first people to join in quite some time. they acted as if we had asked them if they would mind taking one million dollars off our hands, but really its the opposite in some respect because we get to borrow books for free and they don't really get anything out of it. unless they really like checking out books and returning items to the shelves. i guess you'd have to like that to work in a library... unless you were just a student working there for the extra cash.
after that we walked along hunter st and up passed tafe towards home, we stopped briefly at the duck's nuts hotel (yes, seriously, it's called that) to visit lisa whoe had been there since the end of tafe at 4pm, it was now about 5:15pm i might add. we ended up going inside to chat to cuz, mike and rita as well. cuz was busy exhibiting his new found skill of blowing smoke rings - i doubt he will have much of a voice in the morning. we played with some Beyblades on the blue felt pool table and one got lost in the pocket. luckily the prismatic one didn't get lost though as rita reckons she could get a good swap out of it - a chocolate paddle pop at least!
*newsflash, natalie has the hiccups*
so anyway, then we headed for Market town, natalie wanted to buy me some lip gloss for my very dry lips and we were thinking along the lines of thai curry for dinner. as we were crossing the road a nice guy asked us where was 'hot spot' he and his friend could go to hang out - obviously he hadn't had much experience of newcastle... we pointed towards town and said that's the best we could do, and it was i guess, without getting into tedious map drawing and explaining street by street directions.
so we get to market town and head for video ezy. natalie wanted an ice block. she got a solo lemon ice block and said it tasted like banana so i tried it...... it tasted like lemon to me. and cold, it also tasted cold. after that we went to office works, not because we really ahd to but because it's so big and bright and such a novelty. finally we got to Bilo where we went in search of a curry paste or what not. we looked for a solid ten mintues but then decided we'd just have soup. on the way home, we caught a bus by the way, natalie toyed with the idea of getting thai takeaway. i told her it would be lovely but if we got it we'd regret spending the money we couldn't really afford to spend. so when we got home it was a choice between nachos and pasta. either way i would have to go to Iga. nacho's - avacado, pasta - turkish bread. so i said i'd go to iga and if the avacados were ripe we'd have nachos, if they weren't we'd have pasta. i went and tested the avacados......they weren't too bad, probably even semi good....but my stomach wasn't feeling too good so i thought a nice pasta would probably go down better. so i bought turkish bread and snacks. snacks consisting of two strawberry chuppa chups and some nut crackers. nut crackers are just a mix of nuts and rice crackers. it's a pretty good mix actually you get peanuts, cashews, almonds and a few macadamia's. when i got home we made pasta and watched a bit of the simpsons. it was the 'who shot mr.burns' episode. maggie btw. when dinner was ready - fettecini (sp?) with a napolitana sauce and toasted turkish bread - we sat down and watched Sleepers. Natalie hadn't seen it before and i think it was a bit more then she was up for, i have seen it a few times and i started reading the book in abotu september 2000......i hope my bookmark is still in there... the movie finished a little while ago, we stopped the tape in time to see a bit of True Lies which is on tv tonight. it was the part where jaimie lee curtis' character thinks she's going undercover for a secret gov agency and has to dance for arnie's character, her characters husband, who she thinks is some sort of Mob guy. it's very funny esp when she's thrusting up against the bedpost and then falls over. actually the most amusing part of it all is probably because she's wearing her panties and bra but also her high heels. anyway.... that's enough of today and probably one of my longest posts....

bored

everyone is at uni except for me. it gets extra lonely with two people not here.

things

well, i have been doing a lot of things lately. the main one has been having the flu. this hasn't been the most exciting thing to do but it's free and so i can't complain.
i have also been going to tafe which has been good too. i missed one class with 'that paul guy' because i was feeling too sick and didn't think i could cope sitting at those individual seat desk chair things.....

doors

last night when we got home we couldn't get the screen door unlocked. it took us ten minutes of pulling, keying and levering with a spade to get it unlocked.
after the first few minutes we were starting to think we would have to go sleep in the park or scale the side of the building to get in one of the windows.
i fiddled with the key in the whole so much i think i got key-burn. it was really windy and cold outside too - and dark.

shopping

we're going to go to charlestown square tonight - ryan's first time, how exciting, we'll be safe though.
charlestown square must be the most confusing shopping centre on the planet...the layout is horrible... but i guess getting lost sometimes can be fun. is ryan has his camera we can take some excursion shots and i'll post 'em on here,