i checked my phone bill online today.

$101.87.

i had guessed it would be $120.
i'm still pretty annoyed with myself though.

last nigth i went to bed at 10:30pm. i tossed and turned for what i thoguth was all night. i woke up....it looked and sounded like it could be 6am, but when i looked at my phone i found that it was 2am. I lay back down for a little while but can't get back to sleep... i decided to write a letter to a friend to try and make myself sleepy. an hour passes, four pages (small) later i am still wide awake. i lay for a little while longer. I thought maybe i couldn't sleep because i had something to discuss with Natalie....so i wrote her a letter too... that didn't take long... i looked around at the loungeroom, very messy, i decided to tidy... i cleaned up for an hour or so.... or mayeb two hours... i was going pretty slowly... i went to the kitchen, it was suddenly 5am, as i was walking back to the loungeroom i saw that natalie had woken up and come out to see where i was. i asked her if she'd read the letter (i'd slid it under her door) she said yes and said that she'd talk to me about it. we talked about it, calmly. first calm discussion in weeks. it was nice. we talked for about an hour and then she went and had a shower and i went to have some breakfast. vegemite toast. yum. after my toast i had a shower when natalie was finished. after my shower i started reading a trashy magazine....i read it until about 7:30 and then walked passed ryan, he was awake so i chatted to him for a bit and then checked my email. not a lot of emails, oh well. i decided to go to tafe. i walked outside and decided i'd ask amy and coral for a lift. on my way to their house i rang coral, i woke her up, but it was 8:20am and tafe starts at 9am, so it was a good thing i had woken her. i had an earl grey (from my secret stash at their house) and we went to tafe. i had photography and wasn't really in the mood. i tried printing some b&w pitures from colour negs. took a while to get the time right. break time came slowly. mmm.. coffee. more photography and then josh and i left early to play some frisbee. the frisbee had a few injuries so we went down to sculpture to get some pva. pva can fix almost anything....great stuff. cuz say's it's good for spiking hair too. i think i'll leave that one to him. at lunch i lay on my beach towel for a while, my back was pretty sore and i was starting to get tired. soon amy, coral and cuz came to join me and cuz showed us his bronze trophy for painting little warhammer type things. top stuff, cuz. after lunch josh and i got a lift with Peta to merewhether beach where our class was doing some crazy stuff with food dye in the rock pools. it looked pretty awesome but now my feet look as if i've been walking on fairy bread. the sun made me get a headache so i sat on a rock for a while. Peta gave me a lift home and i had some avocado and tomato on toast for lunch.
i am listening to belle and sebastian.
i might go have a nap. it's been a long day.

ryan just made himself a peanut butter sandwich, whish is fine, BUT he put both peanut butter AND nuttelex (margarine) on the bread.....

it's just plain wrong.

peanut butter doesn't need anything but itself....

cuz and i decided yesterday that maybe it would be good if he was gay and i was straight because then we both wouldn't have to deal with girls.
the only problem would be (well one of the problems) that we'd still have to deal with everyday friends who are girls who are sometimes just as troublesome as other girls. (relationship and ex-relationship girls)
maybe its just not girls.... i just can't deal with people in general right now.
it's all very frustrating.

look what ryan and i made.

finding somwhere to move to is hard...
BAH!
i've created a marketing strategy for myself though, so i'm about to go see if i can sell myself on beaumont st...

my tv is broken. it's dead. bye bye.
i was thinking about life with no tv and thought it would be ok for a while, enterprise has finished for the year so there's nothing else i really watch...but then i thought about my vcr.....whats the point of a vcr without a tv.
i can't afford to buy a new one so i guess i'll just have to live without it.
shame, i liked that tv, i've had it for quite some time now.

i have 5c until tomorrow.

my thumb is hurting.
i had a good printmaking night tonight. we etched into the hardground of our copperplates and put them in the acid. we also printed from our drypoint plates. my crazy papadum rabbit looks quite sinister. probably because of the big gun image in the background.
ryan and i are not sure what to do tonight. we might drink some wine, but it feels pretty sad with just the two of us.
we just made an executive decision to open the aldi chicken chips.
amy thinks it's wrong to eat things that even taste like meat, but real chicken doesn't taste like chicken chips anyway so i think it's ok.

I was just getting a breath of fresh air on the balcony when i saw a man walk out of the back of a truck carrying half a cow.......then he went back, another half a cow.....again and again.....
if i wasn't already vegan this would probably make me vegan, or at least vegetarian. i feel sorry for the people in the cars backed up behind the truck, they would have had to see all the hanging bits of flesh as well as the ones being carried.
the guy wasn't even wearing gloves, i know he probably doesn't mind but i'm concerned about the health risks here too.... and that the back of the van was left open for a long amount of time....anything could get in there...

i got up just after ryan left for sydney. he messaged me on his way to the station asking me to give the rose he's bought last nigth to someone. i haven't seen anyone yet but whoever i see first wins the rose. it's yellow and smells nice.
i have been listening to ben folds five all day. i had a shower, put on some washing, played a bit of age of empires and ate a bit of leftover soup. by this time it was about 12. i had a two hour nap and then checked my email - one from cuz saying he wouldn't be over as he's feeling too sick. poor boy.
i sat on the balcony for a while. decided the sun was nice so got some cushions from inside and lay down in the sun for a while. probably about an hour. my face was getting hot, i was afraid of getting sunburnt on just one side of my face. then i remembered i hadn't hung up my washing from this morning.
i came back on the computer and looked at the blogfeed - everyone's posts had been really short so i decided to write a long one.
so here we are. i ate a bit more soup. it was yummy. i should probably go for a walk to get my blood pumping.

it's a ben folds five kind of day.

i missed both Enterprise and DS9 this week.

have had other things on my mind.

i have an assignment to do that isn't being done.

feeling kinda tired and seedy today. the last week is catching up with me. listening to Speaking of Sarah - haven't done that in years. it's quiet peaceful - well the female voice is peaceful. the drums and guitars are sort of noisey.
It's cold inside the house today but it looks sunny outside. i hope it really is and it's not just pretending to be sunny. that would probably put the cherry on this day. actually, we would probably be up to the waffers and nuts - today will be the works. the absolute works. and the sundae will probably end up on my head....with ice-cream (vegan of course) dripping down into my eye's. then i'll be running around screaming because it stings so much and i'll bump into walls because of loss of vision.

we just came over to amy's house to fix the internet. we tried and tried and then amy realised she had the number wrong.

coffee time now.

while looking at our design for anousha's site.

"i don't need to have children, i'll just have a website"

the computers have been quite slow in the last 24hrs, which is weird because we've probably been using them less lately because of TINA, so they shouldn't be under any stress at all.
last night ryan and i met with anousha to talk about doing her website for her. we got into trouble for plugging anousha's laptop into their power point. i think it's pretty cheap of them, we spent more money on beer and coffee then the cost of the electricity we used - not that we spent a lot on beer and coffee, just two beers and one coffee. my point is that the people at the Kent are cheap. At the hunter they let you play free pool and use the jukebox for free as long as you buy beer, so i think they would have let use use some power.
The others went out somewhere and so ryan and i watched Roman holiday. Well i watched up to the part Audrey falls asleep in his bed instead of the couch. I was too tired to stay up even though i'd had a sip of Ryan very very very strong coffee. maybe it's just hitting me now.
It a yucky rainy day today. some rainy days are beautiful but this one isn't. it's too cold to be beautiful.

i've been looking through the audrey hepburn website. she's was such a beautiful woman.

This is an incredibly odd week.
My body seems detatched from my mind.

in a sea of music and people
i can't see anything else.

it's been a few days now. my mind is crushed ice whipped with a sugary substance. even though i have the room to move, my body recoils into itself. it's dark and i don't know where i'm going. i haven't felt this in a while. so confused my stomach churns. blame falls on me from a lot of directions but i don't know how to fix it. i'm no genius in these matters. a stiff drink to soothe the soul. but does it? just makes my head sore. i'm getting ahead of myself, seeing my every step like a documentary of my own life. i don't like this channel, can't i watch something a little easier to swallow? no, i didn't think so.
i'm in this alone only armed with a cup of coffee and the musical sounds of the world. the music, the thing i can control. to control more things would be nice but i've been there before and it justs end up in more pain.
the eels are playing, they sing 'god damn right it's a beautiful day'. not really appropriate but maybe someone is trying to send me a message.
the calendar still says thursday. it's friday. maybe if i leave it the way it is i can stop time. have time to think and organise my life like a neat little filofax.
On the run i go out to hide. in the big world where everyone is only concerned with themselves. maybe that's my problem, i don't spend enough time with other peoples thoughts. it's a tough one, it could be destructive or it could make all the difference.

listening to NIN. a cd i bought because the girl in the shop had a NIN shirt on.

had a big night last night but fun all the same. met some fun people at the ducks nuts, and got a massage from some weird sporting guy. hmm. he was wearing a marge simpson dress, very classy indeed. got a free cd from a guy called bob who was playing some good tunes.
another day of icey workshops ahead and then i'm going to see the waifs tonight :) shall be good.

'there is a fine line between insanity and genius, i have erased that line'