so that's it. i went....it happened.....it's over. we met at 5:30pm at a little cafe on beaumont st, made scattered polite conversation for about 40mins until she said 'i have about one cup of tea left in this pot, that gives you about 20mins to start talking, after that, i'm going'.
so i said (after a few big sighs and playing with a sugar packet) 'i can't do this anymore' and she said 'good, either can i'. then it went onto disecting the whole thing and pointing fingers (unintentionally). she was upset, hurt and doesn't think we can even be friends.
i don't understand. i mean, there is closure but i don't understand why i have become a super villian bad guy in all of this. it's not because i ended it, she was going to do it anyway.
she wanted to know why. why did it not work. 'it was meant to be so simple'. but people aren't simple. we are complex little machines.
she asked me if had it been a proper sort of relationship from the start would i feel differently. well of course i would, things would be completely different. and i didn't have the sort of feelings for her that you have for people you want a serious thing with anyway. then she asked if i'd still want something if she said she wanted something proper now. i said no. she acted as if that was a bad answer. but i said no because during the whole thing she has told me how much relationships are screwed and that she didn't want any of that.
But someone has to commit first. No one ever likes to say they want a relationship if they think the other person might not want it.
Posted by: Ryan at June 24, 2004 03:53 PMthats true ryan.
i didn't mean to post that last bit, and didn't think i had. i had been blogging at tafe and then had to rush out of the library and didn't have time to read back through what i wrote... anyway....so it's been read and edited now and might make a bit more sense. not that things like this do most of the time.
it's just time to move on.